This past weekend I had the fortune of attending a yoga workshop at a retreat center near Santa Barbara. In Forrest Yoga we set an intent for every class, and Sunday’s intent was to Practice with Self Kindness.

Kindness.. Hmmmm…

It’s a powerful word. And so timely. We need more kindness in the world. 

Want more kindness in the world? It’s starts with you.

How do you show kindness to yourself?

I used to think that being kind to myself was doing nice things for me. I would get a massage, take a dance class, or indulge in delicious meal with a friend and then wonder, why do I not feel GREAT all the time? I’m so kind to myself?!  

While these things are absolutely ways to be kind to yourself, I realized that I focused so much of my attention on doing activities like this, I’d forgotten about all the moments in between.  OOOPS!  Was I being kind to myself the rest of the day? 

Big revelation. It’s the small choices we make a thousand times a day that equate to self-kindness. Kindness may mean saying no to another person so you can say yes to yourself. It may mean cheering yourself on and turning off that critical, negative voice in your head that tells you you should be doing more, better, faster. Kindness may mean asking for help when you need it. 

As I meditated on self-kindness, I realized how complex, yet how simple it can be. And out of that I created a kindness practice (see below). You can do this anytime, anywhere. I recommend practicing with a friend or loved one so you can share your experience. 

Let me know how it goes!

Wishing you days of joy, beauty and kindness~

6 Steps To Self Kindness


Make an intent.We’re all so busy- we need reminders! Write or draw your intent on a piece of paper. It may say ‘self kindness’, other words that come to mind, or be a drawing of how self-kindness feels to you. Post your paper somewhere you will see it multiple times a day. If you have a morning meditation or spiritual practice, remind yourself of your intent at that time.


Release old beliefs. On day 1 of your practice, grab a pen and paper and start journaling. What does it mean to be kind to yourself? In what ways can you practice self-kindness on a daily basis? Do you have any old, negative beliefs around being kind to yourself?

For instance, some of us have been taught that we don’t deserve to be nice to ourselves or that if we are, we’re selfish, and being selfish is a bad thing. The truth is we can only give to others once we’ve given to ourselves. Weed out any old belief systems like these so you can update your roots with beliefs that are current and aligned with who are and who you want to be. 


 Breathe and Be present. It’s difficult to be kind to yourself when you’re spaced out or thinking about something else. As you go through your day, practice breathing especially if you notice yourself stressed or emotional. 


Catch yourself. Catch yourself in the moments you go on auto pilot and do one of the following:

  • Negative self talk i.e. be mean to yourself or beat yourself in your thoughts.
  • Ignore messages from your body, mind or spirit about what you need (It’s important to note that we often can’t attend to ourselves properly in the moment because we’re at work, taking care of kids etc. That’s ok. It’s just important that we make a note and listen to our inner communication as soon as we’re able to)
  • Say yes when you mean no. 
  • Extend yourself when you don’t have the resources.
  • Miss taking in the beauty or positive in any moment of your life.

 Make a change. Breathe deep, feel your feet and make a new choice that comes from a place of self-kindness. When in a doubt, ask yourself ‘how can be kind to myself in this moment?’


Give yourself a high five. Ok, maybe not literally. But seriously, you did an awesome job! Tell yourself that in the same way you would congratulate your kid on a test they studied hard for. No one can make us feel as good about ourselves as we can.